Mobile SillinessCitrus Gundam Wing
by Imbrii
Summary: The only reason this is still up is because I don't delete fanfic, even if it's old and poorly written.


It's Imbrii here, with another fanfic to upload. It's a silly self-insert kindof crossover. No Plot... well, nothing that really matters, anyway. Rather ecchi, too. This is the first chapter, after being edited by the wonderful Gem-sama (that's her fanfiction.net name, so go read her stuff! NOW!) The second chapter is currently unfinished because I'm getting writer's block. Blarg. Just sit back and behold the silliness that is this fic. I hope you enjoy it!   
Note-Yes, the name in here is Iko, not Imbrii. So I have multiple online personalities, so what? :-Þ   
Note2-I had to make it so that there weren't any spaces between paragraphs because the text came up very small for some reason. Sorry for the inconvencience.   
Note3-The more Reviews, the more confidence I get. More confidence=more chapters. So if you like, review!   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
_"Hmm, who should I fic today?"_   
Those words so many anime characters trembled to hear.   
_"Lesse... I know enough about slayers to do a fic... But there are so many fics for it out there already. What about Gundam Wing? Hmm... Gotta like the bishounen count there... But I haven't seen enough of the series yet."_   
Iko, the prospective writer, was having a block. She wanted to write a fanfic, but couldn't decide on a series.   
_"I can help you with that!"_ chuckled an all-too-familiar voice.   
_"XELLOSS! You get the heck away from my computer! There is no WAY I'm going to let you 'help' me! Last time you did that, I ended up having to run away from slavering fangirls after you turned me into an idol singer!"_   
_"Ne, Iko-chan, who's the guy with the braid? And that boy who looks like he could pass for Zelgadiss?"_ He said, leaning to look at the computer.   
_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_   
But it was too late. Her computer rose to float in midair along with Xelloss, plugged into the astral plane (how that worked, she'd like to know), trickster priest at the keys. And whoever was at the keys had total control over the fanfic.   
_"Let's see. 'Gundam Wing' is what this is called? Hmm. Fighting robots. What's with all of these hearts around the one named 'Duo'?"_ He smiled deviously, as he was prone to do when getting into mischief.   
Blushing furiously, she made desperate attempts to grasp just one little cord in order to gain control of the situation, but without the keyboard, she lost any extra powers she could write in for herself.   
_"Now, you were having trouble... Let's do a Gundam Wing fic. I'm sure you'll enjoy being around this 'Duo', nee, Iko-chan?"_   
_"Give it back, or... or I'll write yaoi about you!"_   
He laughed, _"You don't have the guts to write lemons, and besides, there's plenty of Zel/Xel fanfics out there. I'm not phased at all! I don't know anything about Gundam, but I'm sure that I can figure it out. Now, Iko, it's time to start!"_   
_"Life is so unfair..." _she muttered as all went black, signaling the beginning of his typing.   
**Mobile Citrus Gundam Wing**   
**a self-insert lemon**   
**by Iko (and Xelloss)**   
"WHAT!? You are NOT putting my name on this, and you are NOT," she screamed, face burning, "going to put me in a... a... a citrus-y fic! And a self-insert at that!"   
_Oh, yes I am! He laughed, unfazed as he continued to type._   
"I hate my life," she muttered, fearing what was to come.   
_"Now, how to start it? I could stick you in a nice, snowy climate, like so many other lemons. How about that? Would you like to fall into a river and be rescued by the dashing god of death? Hmm, isn't that contradictory.?"_   
"I'm going to _kill_ you whenever this is over!"   
_"Tsk tsk," he clucked, waggling his finger at her. "That's not very nice, now is it?" and the keys began to click ominously._   
**It was a rainy, blustery day, pouring buckets of cats and dogs outside, and--**   
"NO! No snow, no rain! I don't want to be in some contrived fan-insert lemon that YOU are writing!"   
_"Ah, but you don't have a choice, now do you?"_ he chuckled, enjoying her discomfort, being a mazoku and all. He then began to type, using a different angle.   
**Duo was in the forest with his Deathscythe, hiding from the Wizards of OZ**   
"Wrong story, Xelloss! NOT Wizard of OZ, the bad guys are just called OZ!" She sighed, not looking forward to his butchering of the story.   
_"Yareyare, so touchy. Fine, just OZ, then. And since you're so picky, I'll spice things up a bit._   
"Oh, L-sama, what now?"   
**Duo, wanting to relax and have some fun, took a short hike from his Gundam to a nearby small lake. He figured that since he was out in the middle of nowhere, it wouldn't matter whether he wore swimtrunks or not.**   
"You did NOT just write that! Xelloss, I'll find SOME way to get you back for this! Embarrass-" she froze, for Xelloss' next words caused her to blush up to her elven eartips.   
**Shinigami-chan undid his black top with its starched priestly collar slowly, revealing a white undershirt damp with light perspiration and rain. His chest rose and fell rhythmically, the undershirt plastered against his corded stomach and slender curvature of waist.**   
"I am NOT seeing this... I AM NOT A PERVERT! I AM NOT LOOKING!" She covered her eyes with her hands, but there was a small gap in between her fingers. Xelloss typed on, enjoying this immensely.   
**The clinging undershirt was next, revealing his bare creamy torso, which, despite his slightly girly figure, was fairly muscular.**   
"You're one to talk, fruitcake!" she yelled, trying not to look at the stripping pilot. "At least HE doesn't crossdress!"   
_"I'll fix that soon!" he laughed._   
**The black pants of doom with the strange thighs came off slowly, because the calves were so tight, revealing--**   
"LALALALALALAAAAAAAAAA LAAAAAAAAALALAI'MNOTLISTENING!LALALALA! NOT LISTENING! LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" she stopped, looking around. There were splashes. "Whew, safe."   
_"I don't think so!"_   
**Duo glided through the water, luxuriating in its coolness. It was then he realized he should let his hair out, as it was becoming matted and unattractive with sweat and drizzling rain. He pulled himself from the pond with a heave and a flex of supple triceps, sitting down on a rock to slowly untwine his unruly tresses. "Ah, it's nice to have a break once in a while. Heero is so depressing with his 'I'll kill you' business. He told me he'd kill me the other day because I got the prize from the cereal box, for Chrissake. Ah, anyway."**   
"UWAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Her face had gone as red as Lina's hair, and she was running around in highly agitated circles, mumbling about romance novels. Xelloss' writing was slipping because he was laughing so hard.   
_"Kawaii Iko-chan!" he giggled, thinking she was almost as fun to tease as a certain chimera. "Now, for YOUR entrance."_   
"EH?! ME? NOW?!"   
_"Yes. You. Now. Hmm, what's a nice, dramatic entrance? Ah, I know!"_   
**Braid-boy froze halfway through unbraiding, hearing the sound of a gunshot. Snatching his clothes (his gun is kept always on his person--don't ask where), he made an ungraceful dash for the bushes, pulling out said handgun. Soon enough, he heard sounds of a scuffle a mere 50 feet away. Muscles tense, he waited.**   
"You haven't written many fanfics, have you, Xelloss?"   
_"Ah....Sore wa himitsu desu."_   
Iko, however, had no time to glare, for she then entered the story.   
**A figure dashed madly from the surrounding foliage, leaping nimbly over passing shrubs. As the figure neared, it was beyond obvious that it was a woman. She cut an odd figure indeed. Grey from head to toe, with long white hair, golden eyes, and pointed ears, she was a sight to see. So was the fact that she wasn't wearing a whole lot, and what she was wearing was very badly torn. She skidded to a halt, balking at the lake. She then skirted its perimeter, towards the unwitting Duo. "I'll KILL you, Xelloss!" she screamed as she ran, ducking and weaving. OZ soldiers were hot on her tail. Lucky for her they shooting only to wound. Either that, or OZ soldiers were bad shots. If not that, then it was simply too early in the fanfic for any good guy to die, giving her partial immunity.**   
**"You don't know a THING about guns, how can you write this stuff?" she shouted, forgetting to dodge and taking a bullet to the upper thigh. "YOU ARE ONE DEAD MAZOKU!!" she howled, knowing that wounds in lemons were excuses to remove clothing.**   
**"About time the God of Death stepped in!" said Duo, smiling. He fired his gun, and small balls of fire chased the pursuers. "What the HELL?" he mumbled, staring at the gun wildly.**   
**"Xelloss, you got guns right the first time! What was with that?"**   
_"Ah, well, I thought guns like that were so boring! So I modified it a little."_   
**"Mo-Modified? A _little_?" she said, gaping. Then she remembered there was a nekkid (not naked, mind you) Duo wandering about somewhere. Fireball-throwing guns were quickly driven from her mind as embarrassment took over.**   
**"AAAAAH! Xelloss! YOU BETTER MAKE HIM CLOTHED!" It didn't sound very threatening, from an injured elf lying on the ground.**   
**"Ano...Ojousan, are you alright?" said a voice from somewhere.**   
**"Kuso, I have to play along with the storyline, or else Xelloss will do my lines for me!" she muttered. She raised her voice to reply to Shinigami-chan then. "Umm. Other than the fact that I have a large chunk of metal in my left leg, I'm just peachy! Where are you? WHO are you?" she said, Xelloss adding to her lines.**   
**"I'll show myself in a bit," Duo called, obviously busy with something... it was easy to guess what it was.**   
**"Whew, he's at least having him clothed. There is SOME sanity to this!"**   
_"Oh, I can fix that REAL quick!"_   
**"Xelloss, you do and I'll... get Amelia to talk about how wonderful life is!"**   
_There was an extended silence, and finally Duo popped out normally dressed, sauntering lightly over to her._   
**'Good thing that worked. That was a close shave,' she thought, looking up to Duo. 'Wow, he looks even better in person... Ah! Must keep all remotely ecchi thoughts AWAY! AWAY! I am not a perv. I AM NOT A PERV!' Xelloss promptly prompted her lines for a while, moving the 'plot' along.**   
**"Thanks for saving me, I don't think I would've made it on this injured leg. Those OZ bastards, I'll get them back some day!" she winced, the bullet reminding her of how personal it was probably getting with the local organs. 'Xelloss, I will write a horrid, horrid fanfic about you, some day!'**   
**Her lines began again, Xelloss tired of threats. "Would you mind helping me up?" she queried, rolling over and sitting up with a feminine grunt of pain. "Those weren't the only ones chasing me. I have to get moving." 'Oh no,' she thought. 'Here it comes, the small hiding spot with lots of sexual tension involved because we're so close. Greeeeeaaaaaaaaaaat.'**   
**"This is going to be the crossover from hell!" she moaned, the words leaving her mouth before she realized that they were both cliche and gratifying to Xelloss.**   
_"You bet, Iko-chan! And that was a good idea! I wonder how big those Gundam cockpits are...?"_   
**"I hate my life," she mumbled, but then remembered there was a bishounen about who hadn't a clue whom she was talking to. He was, indeed, looking at her a bit strangely. That was partially due to her outlandish appearance, she supposed, considering she resembled something close to a discarded illustration of an artist who had gone a little charcoal-happy. (Oi!) Her shabby t-shirt and shorts didn't help, either, being a bit--no, MUCH--too revealing for her tastes. And the fact that her outfit was ripped, torn, and shredded in over a dozen suggestive places didn't exactly blow up her skirt either (pardon the pun). "I'm a mess. And I need to stop this bleeding. You have anything I could tie it with? Or just some morphine?"**   
**"We'll make do," he said, removing his outer black smock. He ignored her blush as he pulled out a handy pocketknife, cutting off his sleeve and unrolling it until it was long enough to go around her leg. He knelt down only to have the cloth grabbed from him. Iko narrowed her eyes, and also narrowly avoided another sexually tense moment.**   
**"I- I'll tie it. You go ahead and run. I can take care of myself. But first, would you mind taking off this collar?" Xelloss was interfering again, adding on an anti-magic collar at the last minute as a plot device.**   
**"Sure, but why can't you take it off?"**   
**"Etooo... If I do, I get a nasty shock. Think of it as a shield they stuck on me. Just do it. We have to hurry. I still need to fix my leg."**   
**"Hai hai, ojousan," Duo said with a shrug, removing it easily. He then watched her struggle to knot the improvised bandage with her limited range of motion. He gave an amused smile, then tapped her on the shoulder. "I think the leg should wait. More men are coming. Come on, I'll carry you."**   
**"EH!?" exclaimed Iko, blushing horribly. 'Damn that Xelloss, embarrassing me like this!... Although, it can't be THAT bad, I mean, Duo IS really cute...' she pushed the thoughts aside, and, knowing that Xelloss would never let her get around this, she nodded. "Fine, then. Let's hurry. After I've rested for a while and the bullet is out, I'll be able to fight better." 'Wow, Xelloss, are you actually going to let me use magic?'**   
_"Of course. It'll make things far more interesting," Xelloss stated matter-of-factly, obviously pleased with the omnipotence of authoring, "But, there's a price, of course."_   
**'I can do without magic, I don't want a deal! NO!' No response. She sighed, concentrating instead on NOT thinking about how nice it was to be carried around by one of her fave bishounen. She was shocked, though, when his Gundam came into view.**   
**"Your Gundam!? You're taking me there!? Why?"**   
**"You know what a Gundam is?" Shinigami asked, shocked.**   
**'Kuso! Xelloss, get a plot device in gear NOW!'**   
_"Coming right up! Hmm... what would fit in....Ah, here we go!"_   
**"Well," said Iko a bit nervously, "To tell you the truth, I was created for destroying the Gundams. So I know most of the things OZ knows about the Gundams... I was to take out both the pilots and the Gundams themselves. But I wasn't about to do what they told me after all that they'd done to me!" she snarled the last bit, eyes hard. She was relatively pleased with her extemporaneous acting job.**   
**"And how, exactly, were you supposed to accomplish all of that?"**   
**'Explanation time, woohoo. Xelloss is actually trying to make a coherent plot, that's a shock. The fumes of omnipotent power must have gone to his head or something, though I guess I'm lucking out some. No! I have to stay on my toes. He'll turn it kinky when I'm least expecting it.' She sighed, rubbing her temples lightly. "Well, they've been developing the thing dubbed 'magic.' Energy that is spontaneously generated from within. Those who are skilled in the techniques of channeling this energy are capable of unparalleled power. And I have that talent." She was glad Xelloss didn't throw in something about training to seduce the pilots as a way to get at them. "Ano... Duo? Would you... move your right hand a bit?"**   
**"Ah! Gomen nasai!" he said with a nervous laugh. Some strange gravity had caused his hand to slip so that it grabbed the....wrong area. The ecchiness was starting to catch up after too much serious plot stuff. Luckily, though, they were finally up to the Gundam, and Duo was preparing to hop in.**   
**"I'm back!" Duo said with a grin, then froze. A strange, marshmallow-like bunny with a large red jewel on its forehead was bouncing across his line of vision, going "Pupupupupu!" constantly. It vanished as abruptly as it came. He turned to Iko, face showing that he was quite worried about his sanity.**   
**"Did you see that?"**   
**"Unfortunately."**   
**"What WAS it?"**   
**"A humor check."**   
**He gave her a strange look, then shrugged and got into the Gundam.**   
**"Wow, this is pretty cozy... But, um, larger than I thought." Iko said, glancing about nervously. She practically expected Xel to hop from behind a corner, waving a tray of eggplant laced with Viagra enthusiastically, tennis skirt hiking up slightly in the flurry of movement. "But I need to get that bullet out so I can not-bleed all over the place. There's probably a trail leading to here." 'Kuso! Xelloss, you BETTER not make this kinky!'**   
_"Of course it'll be kinky. It IS called 'citrus' for a reason, you know."_   
**'I'll kill you!'**   
_"I think you've been listening to Heero too much," he said with a chuckle, the keys continuing to click ominously._   
**Duo, noticing he had no other option, sighed and looked at Iko. "You know, you aren't going to be able to get that out yourself."**   
**The girl blushed horribly from her seat in the pilot's chair, turning her ashy complexion a light, slightly pink shade, shaking her head. "No way! It'll be more painful my way, but hey, if Heero can set his own bones, I can get out a little bullet."**   
**"You know who Heero is?" the pilot asked, an inquisitive and suspicious look on his features as he paced back a step.**   
**'Shimatta! How to explain? OH, the plot device!' Still sweating, she started talking. "Well, I told you my purpose was to be the anti-Gundam. I know all the pilot's names. But OZ doesn't, because...eh...I'm a bit special. He-hey! What're you doing?!"**   
**"Tying you up to the chair in a very suggestive manner with some rope that was conveniently close at hand."**   
**"Wait a minute! I can explain!"**   
**"And I'll get the bullet out, while I'm at it. I suppose that if you weren't tied up, you'd try to stop me, ne?"**   
**"We-well, yeah, but-..."**   
**"Don't worry. This way I can treat you, keep an eye on you, and still fill in the ecchiness quotient."**   
**'I guess Xelloss must've gotten tired of bothering with staying in-character,' she thought. Iko only gave token resistance as she was tied to the pilot's seat, seeing struggle pointless, but feeling obligated to at least try. She slipped her hands around the headrest as she stood up on one leg at the back of the chair, sighing in resignation.**   
**Suddenly, a girl sporting an armored red fuku, red eyes, and a pink braid came charging through, calling "MOKONAAA! Matte!" she ran right through the walls of the cockpit, gone as soon as she came.**   
**"Was that another one of those humor check things?" asked Shinigami**   
**"Yuuuuuuuup." said Iko from where she was hanging, dreading the S&M ecchiness to come.**   
**"Ojousan, I've never had a day this weird until I met you."**   
**"I'll take that as a compliment," she said dryly, biting her lip as Duo pulled out a handy Swiss Army Knife with 204 different tools in one (including beam cannon, biological weapons that turned people into teenage mutant ninja turtles, and a picture of a fluffy, pink bunny), and selected a long pair of tweezers.**   
**"Do me a favor and don't scream too loud, okay? I wouldn't want the conveniently absent OZ soldiers to find us because you're making a racket."**   
**"As long as you don't mind me biting the chair, sure." He gave her a strange look, but continued, beginning by inspecting the wound and sanitizing the area surrounding it. In other words, he was pushing up her battered shorts even farther and poking about like an inept gynecologist. Iko wasn't the only one with red cheeks, considering Xelloss had stolen her panties, which would most likely be from Victoria's Secret had she been wearing some. She forgot about that, though, when he began to dig around. She clenched her teeth, biting into her lip until she drew small rivulets of blood, forgetting about the tasty leather before her. Her exotic eyes clamped shut, as if closing them would cause the bullet and the equally painful fanfic to cease to exist. Neither one of them even noticed the blue-haired, blue-eyed girl decked out in an armored fuku jog though calling for somebody named Mokona or Hikaru.**   
**It was some time before Duo could manage to fish the sinister little black ball out, both of them sweating and breathing hard from exertion at the impromptu surgery. Just as he took a sigh of relief, removing the forceps, the elven girl made an exclamation of relief, and the visual communication system turned on. A brown-haired boy with a perpetual pout that said "I'm beautiful, write yaoi about me" sat impetuously in a folding chair. His quiet, encompassing presence was contained on the small video screen, but he still managed to broadcast a demeanor of detached distaste throughout the cockpit. It was Heero Yuy, professional killer, professional procrastinator, professional moody bishounen .**   
**After hearing most-suggestive grunts and groans from both partners, seeing only Duo's braid, legs, and a pair of hands tied to the chair, his eyebrow began to twitch. A _LOT_.**   
**He closed his eyes, sighing, trying to remain as cool and composed as always. 'Llamas,' Heero thought. 'Think about nice, fuzzy llamas in frilly pink tutus.... Stampeding Relina.... Ahh, much better'**   
**"That took a lot longer than I thought it would," commented Duo, mopping his forehead with a sleeve.**   
**"That also hurt like hell. I don't think I'll be able to sit for a while." She squirmed uncomfortably for a moment. "Would you mind untying me now?"**   
**"I'll think about it," he said with a grin. Then he noticed the irritated, sullen Gundam pilot on screen.**   
**"About time you noticed," the sexily-voiced shounen stated dryly.**   
**"It-it wasn't what it looked like!" said two very embarrassed people in unison.**   
**Duo's face clouded suspiciously. "How long were you watching?"**   
**"Your personal life is not my concern, no matter how juvenile it may be. However, you haven't been responding to the mission that was sent, so I was to see if you were here. I suppose you were too preoccupied to notice."**   
**"It wasn't like that!" said Maxwell, annoyed. "Something came up. I've captured an OZ agent. She's tied behind the chair."**   
**"CAPTURED MY ASS!" yelled Iko from were she was, growing irritated. "You helped me escape, and if you call me 'captured' again, I'll kick your ass! You wouldn't take an enemy into your Gundam, anyway, now would you? Eh?" she tried to maneuver her hands around, racking her brain for a spell she could cast to get herself untied. She wasn't about to let them do whatever they felt like with her! And she sure as HELL wasn't going to be used to cover Duo's ass! (cute though it may be)**   
**Heero gazed at her hands, then turned to Duo. "What exactly is she? Let me see her." Iko took it to mean he wanted to see how good Duo's "catch" was, which annoyed her no small amount.**   
**"I'm not a friggin' display! Oh, damn it all...BLAM FANG!" She'd remembered the right spell, finally! Swirling winds rose, severing her bonds, only to leave a few hairline scars. She immediately cast recovery on her leg. Her flesh tingled as a soft glow enveloped her hand, the wound slowly closing up before their very eyes staring at her little grey butt. The glow left shortly, leaving behind unmarred skin where the wound had been.**   
**They stared at her.**   
**"What-- what is--" began Heero. Iko cut him off.**   
**"Magic. I was developed to destroy Gundams by being able to conjure something from nothing. I can create fire, water, move earth, heal, all with a few words and my will." She smiled with a twinge of deviousness, then added "Wanna try me?" Her voice was edged with challenge. She was really getting into this.**   
**"You're kidding, right?" asked the Braided One, eyebrows arched.**   
**"Look," was all she said as she murmured, "Lightning." The small ball of light lifted up from her hands, illuminating the whole cockpit. The boys failed to notice a blonde girl in a strangely armored green fuku look about and say "It appears that I'm far behind," then walk offscreen.**   
**Iko was grinning madly at the two boys, who were both struck speechless. She allowed it to dissipate, commenting offhandedly to Duo, "Think I'm lying now?"**   
**"No," they said in unison.**   
**"Good. Now let's go. The guys from OZ are approaching in a very timely fashion."**   
**"Yoshi! Heero, I'll get back to you. It's time for some guys to meet their maker. Ojousan, get something to hold onto! It's gonna get a little bumpy." Iko grabbed onto the bottom of the chair, having no other place to hold on to, and laid down on the floor so that she wouldn't go flying about. Duo took off, the Gundam defying gravity as it zoomed away. It was then that one would notice that the designer had a sense of humor, for he located the exhaust pipe in the posterior of the robot.**


End file.
